Did Your Father Decide Your Career Before You Did?

“Of course my father shaped my career,” a client told me recently. “But not in the way you think.”

He never laid out career blueprints for her. There were no rules like “Don’t be an artist” or “Make lots of money.” His influence was more subtle—the kind that hides inside the silent assumptions we make each day.

She grew up watching a mother who seemed to do it all—running a business, juggling family, managing the house with ease. But the daughter didn’t want to emulate her mother. What she truly wanted was to exceed her father’s expectations.

She grew up watching a mother who seemed to do it all—running a business, juggling family, managing the house with ease. But the daughter didn’t want to emulate her mother. What she truly wanted was to exceed her father’s expectations.

“It wasn’t enough to make him proud,” she said.
“I wanted to outdo him — to win at his game.”

That kind of ambition, it turns out, carried a hidden cost. Every victory felt shadowed — as if no matter how much she achieved, it was never enough to truly ‘win.’ You can’t beat a father in his own arena; the finish line always moves.

Psychoanalytic theory tells us a father’s influence runs deeper than we often realize. His tone, interest, and approval—or the lack thereof—shape how a daughter views success and her own worth.

As Jungian analyst Verena Kast once observed,

“When a father supports and encourages his daughter, it can become a powerful stimulus for her growth. But when he criticizes or shows no interest in her achievements, it can create an inner conflict and plant seeds of self-doubt.”

It isn’t just about sugar or silence. It’s about what success starts to mean. If every win still feels like a painful misplaced jewel, it’s worth asking which yardstick you’re measuring against.

She powered through her twenties and thirties with drive and determination—until she didn’t. One day, she simply stopped.

“I realized I’d been running his race, not mine.
And I didn’t even like the finish line.”

That breakdown was a beginning. It broke the spell. And for the first time, she asked herself the real question:

What do I want—not what would make him content?

She rebuilt her work from there—this time anchored in curiosity, creativity, and the beauty of her own feminine rhythm.

We like to think we’re calculating career moves with logic or strategy. But often, our earliest family dynamics impress the first draft of our life’s script.

Here’s the paradox: the same father who sparks ambition can also bury it. Success can feel like abandonment. Standing tall can feel like stepping out of a shadow—and we hesitate.

So it helps to pause and ask:

• Whose approval am I still chasing?
• Which version of success did I grow up with?
• If I stripped away my "shoulds," what would I most want to build?

“If a woman truly values herself… she is ready to enter into a dialogue with masculinity. Valuing what truly belongs to the feminine sphere is difficult, because it means showing society exactly who you are.”

Those are Linda Leonard’s words — and they remind us that claiming a career path that honors your inner values isn’t soft — it’s radical. It’s saying: I am not stepping away. I’m stepping into myself.

To create a path that’s truly your own, you need to stop carrying other people’s projections and take full responsibility for your life. That’s when a woman can reclaim her power and design roles that matter to her — not just to society. Imagine owning a grand mansion, yet living in only a few of its rooms. In life, when we unconsciously follow an old script, we limit ourselves the same way — using only a fraction of our potential. The real work is to notice the keys already in your hands… and start unlocking the closed doors.

Sometimes the first key to change is simply seeing the invisible paths you’ve been walking. And once you see them — you might just decide to walk a different one.

If you’d like support on your own journey, I invite you to work with me. You can book your first coaching session here."