In my last post, Your archetype's immunity to change, I explained why we don't change even when we sincerely want to: a hidden commitment quietly works against our goal, to protect us from a fear.

Reading about it is one thing. Seeing your own pattern on paper is something else. This exercise is my version of the four-column map developed by Harvard researchers Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey. I use it with leaders, founders and business owners, and it often shows in 30 minutes what years of good intentions didn't.

What you need: 30 quiet minutes, a pen, and the free worksheet below. Do it by hand if you can. Writing slows you down, and slowing down is the point.

I'll walk you through each step with one example: a coach and business owner, let's call her Anna, who leads with the Lover and the Caregiver.

Write down one change that really matters to you. Check it against three questions:

1. Is it about you? "I want to speak up more", not "my boss should listen to me".
2. Does it matter? If it changed, would your work or life be noticeably better?
3. Have you tried before? The best goals for this exercise are the ones that keep slipping.

Anna: "I want to raise my prices."

Write down everything you do, or don't do, that works against your goal. Only behaviours, no explanations, and no plans to fix them yet. The more honest the list, the more useful the map.

Anna: "I offer discounts before anyone asks. I add free extra sessions. I avoid talking about money on calls. I've had a new price list ready for six months and haven't published it."

This is the most important step. Imagine doing the opposite of each behaviour in step 2. Picture it clearly. What's the most uncomfortable feeling that comes up? Keep asking "and what's bad about that?" until you reach a real fear, not just "it would be awkward".

Anna: "If I quote the new price without a discount, I'm afraid the client will go quiet. That they'll think I only care about money. That they won't like me any more."

Rewrite the worry as something you're committed to. It usually starts with "I'm committed to…" or "I'm committed to never…". It should feel uncomfortably true.

Anna: "I'm committed to being liked. I'm committed to never being seen as greedy."

Now read your goal and your hidden commitment together. If you feel a small "oh…", that's the click: one foot on the gas, one on the brake.

Ask: what would have to be true for this commitment to make sense? Write it as "If… then…". The big assumption is something you treat as a fact, but have never really tested.

Anna: "If I ask for what my work is worth, people will stop liking me. I'm only valued while I'm giving."

For a Lover-Caregiver, that's a very familiar script. Check your own archetype's row in the 12 immunity maps.

A good map feels a little uncomfortable and very obvious at the same time. It's working when:

• Column 2 makes sense now. The behaviours you were embarrassed by look logical, even clever, once you see what they protect.
• Your hidden commitment is about you, not about other people or circumstances.
• You feel it in your body. A tight chest, a sigh, a laugh. The mind recognises the pattern before it can explain it.

The most common mistakes:

• A goal that's too vague. "Be a better leader" won't work. "Stop rewriting my team's reports" will.
• Explaining instead of listing in column 2. "I'm too busy to delegate" is a reason. "I keep the task myself" is a behaviour.
• A hidden commitment that sounds noble. "I'm committed to quality" is true, but too comfortable. Keep digging for the version you'd rather not say out loud.
• Trying to fix it straight away. The map isn't a to-do list. Its job is to show you the brake, not to release it today.

The worksheet has a second page for the next three weeks:

1. Week 1: watch. Every time the big assumption shows up, write down where, with whom, and what you felt. Don't change anything yet.
2. Week 2: run one safe test. Choose a small action that goes against the assumption, where being wrong costs little. Anna sent her new price to one warm client, without a discount.
3. Week 3: look at the evidence. What actually happened, not what you feared? Then rewrite the assumption: not "never true", but "true only when…".

Anna's client said yes. Another asked for a payment plan. Nobody stopped liking her. Her new assumption: "Some people may leave, and the right ones will stay."

A tip for your archetype: the best test is usually small and specific to your pattern. The Ruler hands over one task and doesn't check it. The Sage decides one thing with 70% of the information. The Hero takes one real day off. The Lover gives one honest piece of feedback. The Creator publishes one thing that's "good enough".

Sometimes you do everything right and the assumption holds on. That isn't failure. It usually means it's rooted deeper, in what Kets de Vries calls our inner theatre: old roles and relationships we're still playing out. That's the work I do with leaders, founders and business owners.

• Find your archetypes: take the free archetype test.
• Read about your patterns: my guide Your Archetype has a growth plan for each archetype.
• Work on it with me: book a session.

Based on the immunity to change approach by Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey (Immunity to Change, Harvard Business Press, 2009). Worksheet wording © Sofiya Levina.